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Another time they caught him swimming in the public pool at midnight. All POTs sorely need a woe-sharer and perspective-provider, and Joe is a most magnificent partner.

On the other hand, I’m 67, and have been heard to mutter, “I’m too old for this shit.” by Anthony Wolf, a clinical psychologist.

If we followed the rule of Tit for Tat, our children would probably starve and go naked, and we would certainly have to cancel Christmas, birthdays, and all family outings.

Wolf discusses a good deal more than I have mentioned, always with humor, intelligence, and a startling acceptance of reality.

Sex, drugs and booze are still a little way down the road, though I know we’ll get there sooner than I wish.

But Wolf’s general approach to disobedience applies to all levels of crime.

If having a teenager do nothing is acceptable to you, then do not nag.

But if it is not, you are stuck with nagging.”I always find myself surprised when it works.

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We should be judicious in devising and imposing consequences Piling consequence on consequence produces only a thick book of crimes and punishments, and a child grounded until she is 37. As for refusing to do chores: “An absolute fact of adolescence is that if you do not nag, they will not do what you want...

“The self that adolescents bring out to deal with the world is in fact a truer reflection of the level of maturity that they have achieved.”The adolescent’s job is to break away from her parents. All the feelings of loss and fear distill into anger at those all-powerful creatures, your parents.

Most of my interactions with Amanda are at meals and in the car.

When our teenagers are hysterical, we must try not to be, and reserve our creative counterattacks for our rich fantasy life.

In the face of insults, defiance, and deceit we should continue providing the basic maintenance they need (feed them, buy them clothes and school supplies, drive them here and there) as well as go on doing all the loving, special things we used to do so happily when they were young and adorable.

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