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My ears pricked up though when he ‘casually’ mentioned a female friend who he was hanging out with. Now let’s be real – you know how this story goes, possibly because you’ve been in this very situation yourself.A bit of probing quickly revealed that she’d also recently experienced a breakup. ” I asked and paused for a few seconds waiting for what I suspected was to come. He’s told her what’s been going on his life and has (so he claims) emphatically stated that he doesn’t want a relationship and absolutely can’t do one.Acting casually wards off the threat of rejection and stretching yourself.There’s now such a fear of the vulnerability that comes with dating that it’s been watered down to the nothingness of a casual relationship.9 out of 10 people when told they’re a user will deny it but when someone exploits others to get their needs met, ‘using’, even if they’ve been ‘honest’, is actually what it is.What we all need to do is be responsible for our emotional health and standards because the fact is, there are people out there that are only too willing to hold you to a lower standard in the name of ‘fun’ and ‘keeping things light’.You have to hold yourself to a higher standard than what they have in mind for you because the hidden agenda of being casual about your needs and then upgrading later is a painful, deluded plan because if someone can get everything out of you for little or no emotional and relationship contribution from them, the tone has been set and they’re cruising on easy street.It’s not about them meaning you any harm but they’re so focused on what they want, that it doesn’t occur to them that some of their contradictory behaviour is misleading and the truth is that some people overestimate their capability to cope with a casual relationship.
When we hung out last week, he emphasised to the boyf and I, how he’s steering clear of relationships and focusing on getting his life together.
I have read and heard countless times that guys prefer women with curves and more meat on their bones but I’m starting to wonder about that.
I have some super skinny friends who are considered really hot and always get hit on and then there are celebs who are super skinny, like Olivia Wilde and Megan Fox (she supposedly has a 23 inch waist!
When I asked him why he can’t just be by himself, sort himself out, find things to do, see friends etc, he told me that he couldn’t ‘manage’ without female attention and these interactions break up the routine.
His rationale is that he’s told her everything that’s being going on his life and how he doesn’t want a relationship so he thinks that she understands the ‘terms’ and that he clearly isn’t in a position to be anything other than casual.