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According to a recent Elite Singles survey, just 6% of women would suggest a first date and just 2% would call back to arrange a second.While this may seem normal, some surprising responses from men in our poll may hint at a problem with this dating routine.My guess is that you can, but are just now realising that those were opportunities after being blinded by that ever-present defence mechanism.Luckily, the first step to solving this problem is recognising that you have it.Maybe even suggest a new “must” in your city as something on your bucket list and see if he takes the bait by suggesting you both go there together.Taking action doesn’t necessarily need to be done in an “aggressive” manner.In order to help you unpack some of the preconceived notions and deep-seated fears that led you to your wallflower status, here are some common reasons women hold back – and how you can adjust to become a more proactive dater who gets men to pursue you WHILE staying in your feminine role.Whether it’s something our mums advised us growing up or the fact that women in movies who ask out guys are always depicted as outgoing, overbearing and aggressive, we women have turned into shrinking violets for fear of coming across as too masculine.

We apply a gender-focused double standard to equal salaries and power in the workplace, so what makes it different when it comes to dating? Remembering your answers later and referencing them in subsequent conversations?

Just remember that the worst result is for him not to return those feelings. READ MORE: Take the fear out of initiating by learning how to write the perfect first message On a similar note, many single women use their inactivity as a shield that can easily be misinterpreted as disinterest.

If he chooses to express his disinterest in an insensitive manner, then he’s not someone you want to be with anyway. Defence mechanisms run rampant in the dating world, and rare is the occasion they help move one’s love life in a positive direction.

If you’ve felt that your love life has been pretty quiet the past few months, can you think of at least five instances in the past five months where you could have struck up a conversation with a guy but didn’t?

Or suggested meeting up with a man you’ve been texting with in a friendly context for weeks on end?

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